1. Demi Moore has publicly announced she is divorcing husband Ashton Kutcher. Not because he cheated on her, but because he's just getting too old for her!

2. To make the new Twilight movie more appealing to men this weekend, the director has added a scene with Bruce Willis mowing down vampires with a machine gun. Now we're talking!

3. Herman Cain has requested the secret service follow him on the campaign trail. Not for extra protection, but because he needs some new people to harass.

4. The woman claiming Justin Bieber is the father of her baby has dropped her lawsuit against the pop star. But Bieber still plans to counter-sue her. He may not have fucked her, but his lawyers certainly plan to! 

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