1. A recent survey shows that police in New York City have frisked an increased 13 percent more suspects in 2011 than in previous years. I hear Herman Cain is now running for Chief of Police!

2. Charlie Sheen has been spotted in the country of Columbia this week. Turns out he is not filming a new movie. The country is presenting him with a Lifetime Achievement Award.

3. According to a new scientific study, laptop computers can cause damage to a man's sperm. According to my own study, I have found the opposite to also be true.

4. Rick Perry recently asked young Americans, that when they turn 21 next year, to cast a vote for him. Proving my theory that you have to be drunk off your ass to consider making this man president!

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