2. The U.S. Postal Service has announced more drastic cuts. If they really want to save money they should downgrade from Uzis to semi-automatics.
3. An old lady is suing the TSA for strip searching her at JFK Airport. When the chief asked the agent if they found anything interesting, the agent said, "Depends".
4. Larry King says he wants his dead body to be frozen so that some day scientists can bring him back to life. This means he has future ex-wives that haven't even been born yet!