2. Anonymous strangers have been paying off people's lay-away charges at random stores around the country. President Obama hopes they will do the same with the national debt.
3. For the first time in Naval history, the traditional dockside kiss was shared by a lesbian couple. In fact there was no 'semen' anywhere! (my best joke EVER!)
4. Three million people showed up at Kim Jong Il's funeral yesterday. They weren't there to mourn. They heard there was a free buffet!