1. Today is the Primary Election in Rhode Island. Remember to write-in TOM STEWART FOR PRESIDENT!

2. The Today Show's ratings are at an all-time low for the past 2 months. And it's been 2 months since NBC 10 fired me. Coincidence?

3. Two members of the boy band 'One Direction' say they may have caught chlamydia from a koala at a zoo in Australia. At least N'SYNC only banged underage girls.

4. Lindsay Lohan has been cast to play the role of Liz Taylor in a bio-pic. This will the be the first time someone invents a drinking game WHILE filming a movie.

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