1. A man who impersonates Santa Claus for a living was thrown out of Disney World while on vacation. How dare he go to an amusement park looking like a fictional character that kids look up to.

2. Kristen Stewart (no relation) has publicly apologized to Robert Pattinson for cheating on him. I'd like to apologize to the entire cast of Twilight for cheating on them with every other movie ever made!

3. Women's volleyball players won't be required to wear bikinis while competing in the London Olympics. Like I needed another reason to not watch the Olympics!

4. Singer Carly Rae Jepsen says her cellphone was hacked and her nude photos were stolen and posted on the internet. At least now when guys call, they'll know what they're getting - maybe.

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