1. In honor of Earth Day today, I will be re-using all of my old condoms! Balloon animals for everyone!!

2. The woman who sang 'I Touch Myself' died at age 53. I was told it would only make me go blind!

3. The kids who live above me have been running around since 8:00 this morning! Doesn't anyone crate train anymore?

4. Reese Witherspoon was arrested over the weekend for 'Disorderly Conduct'. That sounds like the name of her next shitty movie.

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