1. So this week we raised the debt ceiling and the stock market crashed through the floor. Sounds about right.

2. Kim Kardashian modeled for the world's first 3D magazine. Careful, once you put the glasses on, her ass will knock you off your chair!

3. Jerry Lewis has announced he is no longer hosting the annual MDA Telethons. I think I speak for everyone when I say, "Jerry Lewis is still alive?"

4. NASA scientists say they may have finally found water on Mars. Just imagine what they'll find in Uranus!

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