1. Steve Jobs official retired from Apple yesterday. He conveniently announced his decision through his new app iQuit.

2. Google has been fine $500 million for advertising violations. Now when you google 'U.S. Government' the only results are 'You Suck!'

3. Hurricane Irene is expected to be Category 3 when it arrives. Big Deal. My bathroom is Category 3 anytime I eat Burger King.

4. Libyans have offered a $2 million reward for the capture of ousted leader Muammar Qaddafi. Dog The Bounty just got a boner!!!

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