1. Billy Crystal is replacing Eddie Murphy as this year's Oscar's host! I think I speak for everyone when I say, "Billy Crystal is still alive?"

2. The bed Michael Jackson died in is up for auction. It's going to go nice with my Elvis toilet and David Carradine closet and noose.

3. Michelle Bachmann just thanked all our vets for taking care of our dogs, cats, and beloved pets everywhere......Happy Veterans Day everyone!

4. Howard Stern is rumored to be replacing Pierce Morgan as a judge on America's Got Talent. Lesbian midget porn stars have just greatly increased their chances of being on the show!

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