1. The AP News Twitter account was hacked today and reported that the White House had been attacked by bombs. The story was false. But the hacker was immediately hired by CNN.

2. Can we go back to hating the Yankees yet?

3. How come we don't have downloadable car horns yet? You know like ringtones? 
I got dibs on the Fran Drescher laugh!

4. The George W. Bush library is opening next week. If you use the card catalog don't expect to find any W's, M's, or D's.

1. In honor of Earth Day today, I will be re-using all of my old condoms! Balloon animals for everyone!!

2. The woman who sang 'I Touch Myself' died at age 53. I was told it would only make me go blind!

3. The kids who live above me have been running around since 8:00 this morning! Doesn't anyone crate train anymore?

4. Reese Witherspoon was arrested over the weekend for 'Disorderly Conduct'. That sounds like the name of her next shitty movie.