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1. Apparently Mitt Romney's views of the military are stuck in 1917. Just like his views on women's issues.

2. If they can take away Lance Armstrong's titles for doing steroids, why can't they do something about all those World Series wins by the Yankees in the 90's?

3. Did the Red Sox just name Will Farrell as their new manager? I hope he does the male cheerleader character from Saturday Night Live!


4. Apple is releasing a new mini-iPad. It's smaller than a normal tablet, but bigger than a cell phone. And way too big for my wallet!

 
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1. With A-Rod on the Yankees' bench tonight, he'll have a lot more time to flirt with women on Twitter!

2. Forget all those doping charges, I've always felt having only one ball was a much bigger advantage for Lance Armstrong.

3. Rapper Eminem just turned 40 years old! "Will the real Slim Shady please stand up, please stand up, please stand......ohhhh my back."

4. Bruce Springsteen has publicly endorsed President Obama in the election.  Seems like the right thing to do after all the free plugs Obama gave his song 'Born in the U.S.A.'

 
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1. Sadly, all I have is sticky notes full of women...

2. Why is the Fonz trying to sell me a reverse mortgage? Didn't he live in an apartment above a garage?

3. Because of doping charges, Lance Armstrong has stepped down as spokesman for Nike and Livestrong. He said he's taking his ball and going home.

4. The Rolling Stones are going out on tour for their 50th anniversary. Years ago, the arena would smell like pot at Stones' shows. These days they smell like Ben-Gay.

 
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1. FOX News was going to broadcast the space jumper live yesterday, but they had already met their quota on live suicides this month.

2. I'm okay with The Price Is Right having a male-model working on the game show, just as long as he is spayed or neutered. 

3. Glenn Beck has introduced a new line of denim jeans. When you wear them your ass leans to the far right!

3a. Glenn Beck's new line of jeans come in two styles, 'old-fashioned' and totally 'straight'!


4. It's tough to be sure from the quality of the film, but from what I can tell on Hulk Hogan's new sex tape, his 24 inch pythons are only on his arms.

 
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1. Seriously, what were the odds that Christopher Columbus would discover America ON Columbus Day?!

2. I swear, if a girl named Molly ends up winning this Rhode Show contest, I'm going to lose it!!!

3. Joran Van Der Sloot has reportedly gotten a woman pregnant while in prison. This guy's ability to get laid is unbelievable!

4. It's bad enough that Oscar the Grouch has been homeless all these years, but now Mitt Romney wants to make him jobless too!

 
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1. Justin Bieber got sick and threw up twice while on stage performing the other night. I couldn't tell the difference. All his songs sound that way to me.

2. Carrie Underwood fulfilled the wish of a 12-year old boy by giving him his first kiss on stage last week. Not to be undone, the next night Madonna gave a 12-year old boy a reach-around.

3. FOX News accidentally aired a live suicide during a broadcast last week. Unfortunately it was not Glenn Beck.


4. Arnold Schwarzenegger has admitted to having had an affair with Brigitte Nielson before he was married. He says she impressed him with her ability to be able to bench-press as much as him.