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1. The Supreme Court's ruling today is quite controversial. But we all gotta agree with their decision to replace Ann Curry.

2. Ann Curry is being replaced on the Today Show by a younger, prettier, female reporter. I feel her pain.

3. This weekend is a great weekend to go on a date to the movies. Your boyfriend can go see Ted, and your girlfriend can go see Magic Mike.


4. Miley Cyrus has announced that she is taking a few years off from show business. How will America survive?

 
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1. NBC will reported pay Ann Curry $10 million dollars to leave The Today Show. Maybe now she can stop buying her clothes at T.J. Maxx.

2. Skin care website, Daily Glow, says Las Vegas is the worst city for your skin. I'm thinking, with all the bath salt cannibal attacks, Miami must be a close second.

3. Jerry Sandusky caused some controversy in prison already when he asked if a boy scout field trip could be counted as a conjugal visit.

4. Jenna Jameson was in a DUI accident in Hollywood when she slammed into a pole. Those porn stars will bang anything when drunk!

 
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1. How come when a person lies to Congress it's called perjury, but when a politician lies to us it's called an election?

2. A dog in Virginia accidentally received a voter registration form in the mail. I have a feeling he won't be voting for Romney.

3. Jim Carrey has decided not to be in the movie sequel to 'Dumb & Dumber'. Now the movie will just be 'Dumb'.

4. Reports say that Ann Curry will soon be replaced on The Today Show. Now her wardrobe manager can go back to making curtains, table clothes, and grill covers!

 
 
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1. So it's now legal to smoke marijuana in Rhode Island. Just make sure you're wearing your seat belt when you're doing it!

2. A gun range in Texas is offering kids parties for children 8 and older. Chuck E. Cheese is going to get a cap in his ass!

3. Why is it okay for a woman to keep a copy of 50 Shade of Grey and a penis shaped vibrator in her nightstand, but not okay for a guy to have a copy of Playboy and a tube sock in his?

4. Tommy Chong of Cheech & Chong fame has announced he is battling prostate cancer. And he couldn't be happier - finally his pot really will be medicinal! 

 
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Eat The Heat!
 
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1. Former Family Feud host Richard Dawson passed away. Instead of playing TAPS at his funeral, they're going to give him a 3 strikes buzzer salute.

2. Tiger Woods had a 2-stroke victory at the Memorial Tournament. Later he celebrated with some strippers who also gave him a 2-stroke victory!

3. Maybe I was confused from switching back and forth between the Celtics and the Miss USA Pageant, but I'm pretty sure the refs called a flagrant foul on Miss Nebraska.

4. Miss Rhode Island won the title of Miss USA last night. She says she plans to use her title to help bring world-wide awareness to the deliciousness of Del's Lemonade.