1. R.I. Governor Chafee is visiting the troops in Afghanistan right now. He just raised all the bridge tolls and doubled the admission prices to all the Afghan beaches! That'll teach the Taliban!!

2. Ted Nugent's violent comments about President Obama has led to the Secret Service investigating him. They realize he doesn't party with groupies anymore, right?

3. I don't understand the big deal about the Secret Service having prostitutes in their hotel rooms. It's not like it was their cover that was getting blown.

4. Now that Dick Clark has passed away, we'll be stuck watching Ryan Seacrests balls drop on New Year's Eve.

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