1. NASA's new rover successfully landed on the surface of Mars after surviving what they call '7 minutes of terror' during the landing. Coincidentally '7 minutes of terror' was my nickname with the ladies in college.

2. A team of 50 men at NASA successfully guided a robot onto the surface of Mars from billions of miles away. But not one of them can pee without missing the toilet just a little bit.

3. Porn star Jenna Jameson is endorsing Mitt Romney in the presidential election. It could help him, cause I've heard she pretty good with polls.

3a. Jenna Jameson is endorsing Mitt Romney. He finally found someone who changes positions more than he does!

3b. Jenna Jameson is endorsing Mitt Romney for President. If he wins it will surprisingly be the first time she's ever fucked a black guy.

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