1. Alex Trebek snapped his Achilles heel chasing a thief from his hotel room. 
Can I have 'Old Guys Shouldn't Run' for $1000 please?

2. President Obama and Congress are still having trouble figuring out our debt situation. 

Isn't it about time they called Suze Orman!

3. A city worker in Providence claims he spotted an alligator in the Woonasquatucket River.

 I say it's a croc! (screw you that's funny shit!)

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