1. NBC cancelled the new show The Playboy Club after only 3 weeks due to poor ratings. It was too much like porn. No one needed to watch a whole episode.

2. Chris Christie has announced again that he will not run for president in 2012. Guess we can cancel that order for extra suspension supports in the presidential limo.

3. An Italian man is recovering after gouging out his own eyes with his bare hands. Apparently he saw Nancy Grace's nipple-slip on DWTS.

4. After 4 years in an Italian prison, Amanda Knox has finally returned home. Her first question, after landing back in the U.S.... Who's that black guy in the White House?

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